Its been 2 months since I haven’t stepped foot in San Francisco, such a pity, once I considered it as a new home. California is way too amazing, the vibes, the scenery, the climate, its rhythm basically you can never get enough of it.
If you follow my journey you probably recognized that I haven’t really been settling down as I was always on the go. After meeting someone I decided to place focus on our relationship, and haven’t returned to Singapore since last mid-December. Truth to be told I always felt something strange, something I can’t explain, call it a women’s intuition, but I was so well fooled about how much I was loved not only with words but actions too, that I felt it was the right decision. Well….
It has been an infinite emotional rollercoaster.
This post is not an ordinary
“See our beautiful photos we have created with the amazing Suzy Raskin”.
This is for us women who have found themselves in crazy situations with unexplainable men behaviors and breakups.
Traveling has been my passion for the last 1.5 years, and however I did move my closet /my life, and most importantly my heart/ to San Francisco we were traveling every week.
It takes time to get to know someone. And you should be aware of his past too.
Its incredible how your life can change from one day to another specially when you have no clue or control over what is going on. People can change their mind or flip their personality, and behavior instantly, and trust me if you think you know someone for being in a relationship for half year it does not mean you know them for real.
I have heard crazy stories and mine fits into the really weird category where no matter how much love, selflessness I was willing to give the more unreasonably hurtful behavior I have witnessed in return. From one day to another🤷🏼♀️.
Let me ask something… Wouldn’t it be easier to be honest and straight with each other? Its time saving, and human. Why does someone who spent their time and love with another does not deserve to be treated with honesty, and straightness? I find it sick when an adult cannot communicate with another. I mean isn’t it what we are practicing since the day we were born?
Also, I will never understand people who is okay with hurting others on purpose, or -how can they sleep calm at night. Look, I can’t even close my eyes in bed if I know I treated someone bad, and I haven’t done all the efforts to make that right…
We must understand something:
If it is not working for some reason we mustn’t push forward.
For two month I was fighting a loosing battle… With myself. Thought that eventually I will get a sorry, an explanation, a goodbye, a hello I’m back… But I was wrong. As being someone who is not giving up on the ones I ❤️ all I can say… I tried hard, and my best, I tried to understand, to help, to give, I flew over, I went to check up on him, I called, I messaged, I wrote letters, I sent post, I worried, I prayed, I meditated, I cried. I drowned in tears over and over again.
For what? The outcome is the same wether we cry and fight, or not… We decide how we go through the process. We can suffer or we can be curious whats next and look for it. We move on either way. We can move slow and in pain, or we can move chilled and believing →knowing something better is on the way.
Every break up even if its unsaid or unusual has two participants. But in reality what’s left is only you.
You and your EGO,
You and your feelings,
You and your family,
You and your friends,
You and your questions,
You and the superb advices you get,
You and your anger,
You and your ability to adapt to changes,
You and your weakness or strength.
I kept on worrying for him, if he was ok till my very last unharmed nerves was gone, because I knew the moment I had to accept that he acted as he did, and truly acknowledge the reality… there would be nothing left to me but to hate him.
Which, I didn’t want but its kind of inevitable… One day I do, one day I don’t. 🤷🏼♀️
Take my advice. When your feelings hurt, and you feel life is hard on you just sleep on it.
Wake up in the morning, and approach the situation from far away.
Imagine your ex is someone ordinary, someone you could meet at every corner, a post office or a museum someone who you don’t know. Let your false imagination about your “happy future” with him fade away, put aside your hopes and your naive movies in your head about how good person he was, and try to imagine him as someone you have just met.
Now imagine that there are millions of other males🙋🏻♂️🙋🏼♂️🙋🏽♂️ in this word, who would treat you much better. Shouldn’t you focus on all the others who would treat you good? (instead of the one who was treating you bad.) And just accept the fact, if someone loves you, then he or she wouldn’t treat you awful. Period.
Knowing the true nature of people can shock you in the beginning, but after that slowly you will understand that their actions are representing them, NOT you.
Just like before him, after as well it will be you who you need to take care of, respect, and support.
I do write open, and honest about what I have been going through because social media is the photoshop of reality, and not everything you see is as bright and happy as it seems.
This last period was hard on me, and I needed to face that I wasn’t as strong as I thought. While I was going crazy not knowing what my ex was going through, if he was alright, or if he was struggling with something I didn’t know of, I also needed to face the situation that our last encounter was so ugly I will never be able to forget.
You see, when somebody humiliates us, it leaves scars that our body and mind can recall, -and remember to- anytime, and put us back in the same ugly state as we felt in that moment when it happened. Like a time travel. Some of us carries these scars for long years or all their lifetime, and trust me its not healthy. Since its a rare thing, we all remember to such bad moments for the rest of our lives.
In the middle of all the stress, and anxiety flying back to Hungary seeing my healer each day I needed to take a deep breath and remind myself that:
Its OK to be vulnerable, and its OK to feel shit when someone hurts you.
We all go through crazy breakups, just in different setups and scenarios.
We not necessarily have to understand whats happening around us, but accept changes, and that we have something more important to do elsewhere.
And by now I’ve become aware that:
•MOVING ON AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE IS THE KEY•
For that reason I relocated myself to Bali where I have never experienced rude behavior, found peace in nature and waterfalls, surrounded myself with motivating people, and took part in different meditations and healing techniques.
Now sitting in a restaurant I felt motivated to share the beautiful photos we have created with the incredibly talented Suzy Raskin back in March, in San Francisco where I hope to return one day without bitterness in my soul❤️.
Suzy’s work is beyond special. Every photo of her has so much character. Each one of them is edgy and strong, still so smooth because the people she photographs are beautiful from deep within.
Each photo in her gallery has a story to tell. Wether it is a family portrait, or a model shoot the photos are somehow so emotional that they keep your eyes focused on her gallery.
Take a look at her Instagram page here!
Honestly the day we shoot was the day I was leaving San Francisco for the first time thinking I would never go back. I find sadness in my eyes that I had in my mind that day. I remember I even told Suzy that I don’t think I will return. I told her that I am sad because me and my ex probably won’t see each other again. I actually returned soon, and had a miraculously changed relationship and amazing boyfriend on my side…but not for long.
I recall how I admired Suzy and her peaceful energy while at that moment my personal life was so unsettled.
Browsing her website gives a better understanding how complex it is to work with her.
Who takes the pictures of me?
I get the same questions all the time☺️. Who is taking the beautiful photos of me. Those who follow me long enough know already that I work, and also collaborate with many talented photographers who I have met during my travels. Its not a rocket science to find photographers today wherever you travel. Finding someone who shoots the style you like is more difficult. For example Instagram’s search engine is quite a resultful channel for finding locally based photographers.
Many of you ask me with whom to shoot in Bali, London, Dubai etc.
Well no doubt if you are around California I would advise you to meet Suzy. When I see the photos she have taken I see a different Dina.
I remember looking at her from distance taking the shots far away from me, I remember how I felt that day, I remember how unusually warm it was, and when the clouds blocked the sun it was so windy and felt so chilly. I was disturbed in my mind because of my travel that day, and the moody energies between me and my ex.
I recall her energy, the vibe of the surroundings: how different that was from my “ordinary” days spent in San Francisco, her perfectionism and her endless attempt to capture a part of me that reflected my personality. Something you can see on a photograph, but might not encounter in reality. I think we humans are like “onions”. Have deeper and deeper layers others mostly don’t get to see. Specially if you are on social media. People don’t see who you truly are.
Suzy captures the layers perfectly. I don’t know how she does it but when you check her gallery, and website you will instantly know what I am trying to describe. I believe her lovely and super calm personality makes it even more dreamy to think back at our photoshoot. While I was a bit stressed she opened me up with her beautiful energy.
The amazing location: The Sutro Baths
Suzy told me to meet her at the beautiful Sutro Baths, located on the western shores of San Francisco. You need to walk a bit down to the shores, and the view is so lovely that even thinking about it warms my heart. If you ever travel to San Francisco pay a visit. You will not be disappointed:-)
FYI: The Sutro Baths was at its time the largest saltwater swimming pool establishment. Built by Adolph Sutro, and opened in 1896. It’s sad history is that maintainance of it was too costly for the family of the constructor, and after being turned to an ice-rink, a fire destroyed this beautiful location. Today the former baths is part of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area. You can find more information about the history of this engaging place here.
All photos by: Suzy Raskin Photography
Drop a message if my words touch you, I’m always here to listen.